Movie Review | The Third Wheel
Reviewed by: Brian Orndorf

Ben Affleck and Matt Damon were at their very top of their game in 1998. They had Oscars for the mantle, whopping paychecks for the savings accounts and their pick of any project in town. So how did they use their newfound power? To help finance a sterile new comedy called "The Third Wheel," a film that barely qualifies as a "movie," though after almost three years, it's finally seeing theatrical distribution.

Stanley (Luke Wilson, doing his best impression of brother Owen), is deeply in love with his co-worker, Diana (Denise Richards). After wasting the better part of a year screwing up the courage to ask her out, Stanley’s friend Michael (Ben Affleck) helps him find the nerve to take the plunge. Planning a quiet evening with a dinner and a play, Stanley's plan for his date with Diana quickly goes awry when he hits a homeless man named Pete (Jay Lacopo) with his car. Trying maintain his evening with Diana while making sure Pete is in one piece, Stanley ends up on a wild night where everything that can go wrong, does.

This is my third go around with director Jordan Brady. A former stand up comedian turned filmmaker, Brady has churned out three debacles in a row. An offense punishable by death? Maybe not, but it does make you wonder just how he keeps receiving financing for his pictures. "Dill Scallion" was his long-delayed 1998 satire of the country music scene, and a film as painful as they come. Though the timing is a bit fuzzy, somewhere between 1999 and 2001 he also made another turkey starring Billy Bob Thornton called "Waking Up In Reno," which, in true Jordan Brady fashion, came closest to seeing theaters this past February, only to return to the vault for another long year of waiting. Trust me, you’re not missing a thing.

What "Third Wheel" has in common with his two previous features is that Brady just isn't a comedy director. He tries with all his might, but out of three pictures now, I laughed maybe a total of four times. There is no creativity to his filmmaking, no crucial timing to the gags and definitely no ebb to the DOA storylines. Brady is the very definition of a "hack" director, but his films are so harmless, and often not even released, that you can't pull your hair out over his choices. "Third Wheel" is not a disaster on the level of "Dill Scallion" or "Waking Up In Reno," but it is almost laugh free and would try even a dead man's patience. Unless of course you find a homeless man who knows all the words to Young MC's "Bust A Move" hilarious. If you do, then this is your "Citizen Kane."

Brady's eye for casting is also a problem. While I genuinely like Luke Wilson, especially coming off his masterful acting in "The Royal Tenenbaums," he's really no comedian. He is much stronger as a straight, but Brady has him out front and center, begging for laughs like Shirley Temple begged for cheek pinches. Wilson, who has literally has gone on to better things since his "Third Wheel" performance, is excruciating to watch. Fairing better, but in an "I'm just making this up as I go" way is Ben Affleck, who in a tiny role manages to massage the two laughs that remain in the picture. And the less said about "The Third Wheel" himself, Jay Lacopo, the better. He can't find a laugh in the entire film, and he wrote this garbage!

Featured in small supporting roles, Brady brings such lovely talents as Meredith Salenger, Lauren Graham ("Gilmore Girls," and also a survivor of "Dill Scallion"), Melissa McCarthy (also "Gilmore Girls") and Nicole Sullivan ("Mad TV") to fill out the cast. But it's no shock that Brady doesn't care that these talented ladies could improve his picture, as the generic story takes up too much of his attention. What a waste.

I will give Brady one merit, he actually managed to find just the right role for Denise Richards. Usually a rain-poncho-on-a-sunny-day kind of actress, nobody really expects Richards to do much acting anymore. She gets by on her good looks and has fashioned a reliable career out of playing the pretty girl. And while her role in "Third Wheel" is just a variation of this characterization, Brady brings out a sweetness and charm completely unseen before. He focuses on her cotton-candy laugh and her searching eyes. Richards doesn't really have much to do here, but for the first time since she hit Hollywood Boulevard, Richards is actually likeable in a movie. If that's the only thing that could be written on Brady's career tombstone, then he should be proud.

It's forgettable, and I even doubt it will play at a theater near you, but the long gestation period for "The Third Wheel" should give you am indication of the quality of the piece. Though Brady has used his voodoo to wrestle up another directing gig (the soon-to-be-long-delayed "American Girl," starring Jena Malone), I say with all my heart, Mr. Brady, three strikes and you're out.

Grade: 2/10

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