DVD Review: Hard Cash
Written by: Kage Alan

Film Rating: D-
DVD Special Features: N/A

My father was recently asking me if there are films I review that I don't
like.  Apparently he doesn't spend any time on-line, otherwise he'd know.  
For all intents and purposes, "Hard Cash" should have been a winner or at
least fun to watch.  Just look at the cast; Christian Slater, Val Kilmer,
Balthazar Getty, Daryl Hannah and Verne Troyer.  Instead of being thrilled
with an adrenaline rush after finishing the movie, all I wanted to do was set
the main character from "American Psycho 2" loose on the director and writers
of this turd and let her teach them a thing or two about discipline.

Thomas Taylor (Slater, "Windtalkers") is a thief, but he always seems to work
with some of the wrong people.  After taking the fall so the others can
escape the Police, he spends a year in prison (only a year???) and is
released without so much as having to make a single appointment with a parole
officer.  Paige (Sara Downing, "The Forsaken") has been taking care of his
daughter, Meagan (Holliston Coleman, "Bless The Child"), and Taylor must now figure out how to get them all out of poverty and living the better life they
somehow figure they deserve.  Apparently these people have never heard of
getting a job.  I mean, there must be a Starbucks in the area somewhere.

After assembling another team consisting of Virginia (Hannah, "Splash"),
Eddie (Getty, "Lord Of The Flies"), Rock (Bokeem Woodbine, "Dead Presidents") and a few mentally challenged others, Taylor is back in action and back in touch with his stupidity factor.  Not only did they end up with FBI marked money in their latest score, but they also crossed Agent Mark Cornell
(Kilmer, "Real Genius") who was laundering that money for himself.  Oops.  
Cornell doesn't take it lightly and kidnaps Meagan, forcing Taylor to take on
a job he doesn't want just to get his daughter back.  Sound exciting?  It's
not.

Sure, there's lots of double-crossing going on, some gunfire, a car chase or
two and even Balthazar Getty with his shirt off, but it doesn't amount to
anything.  Poor Val Kilmer can't even save the film with his small role and
he does possess charisma, even when playing the bad guy.  As for chemistry
between the cast, there isn't any.  Christian Slater looked like he was
attempting to make an effort, but the script doesn't have any life to it.  
What attracted these actors to "Hard Cash"?  Did all of the budget go to
their paychecks?  It must have because the movie features the WORST rear
projection/shaky camera characters on a boat sequences I've seen since
television.  The only one who looks like he's having any fun is Verne Troyer
("Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me") as the spirited Contingency Plan.

I don't understand Artisan.  Many better films or even better B films,
especially older ones recently seeing their first DVD release, are in Full
Screen while crap like "Hard Cash" boasts a choice between Widescreen or Full Screen.  Sick sick sick!  Picture quality on the disc is quite good, which
only showcases just how cheap the filmmakers were when it came time to shoot any special effects.  Audio is also decent here and we have the choice
between a 2.0 Dolby Stereo Surround and a 5.1 Dolby Digital Surround.  Who is making these choices at that company?  As for extras, we are only gifted with a trailer that should serve as an indication as to just how bad this film really is.

There is nothing really worth recommending here.  The cast is totally wasted,
the script is unexciting, the directing is amateur, the editing is bland and
the special effects aren't so special.  What are we left with in the end?  A
wallet with $12 less in it and me whining about it, that's what.  It's really
not a mystery why this film was never given a theatrical release.  Avoid.