DVD Review: Final Stab
Written by: Kage Alan

Film Rating: F
DVD Special Features: N/A

        I think there's at least one movie that critics see a month where we'd really enjoy summing up our review with two words; total crap. Forget the plot, forget the acting, just forget the film and never think about it again. Well, ladies and gents, this brings me to the latest Blockbuster exclusive titled "Final Stab." It's exclusive because it's not available in any other store, retail or rental, other than Blockbuster. Boy, did they get screwed! Come to think of it, so did I since I rented it.

Director David DeCoteau has done extremely well for himself throughout the years making low budget movies like "Creepozoids," "Puppet Master III," and the art house film "Leather Jacket Love Story." They aren't exactly classics, but he has made a name for himself in being able to turn out "B" films and make a profit. Lately, DeCoteau has set out to create a new sub-genre within horror where the men are exploited instead of the women, hence his horror films are meant to attract a large female audience. He accomplishes this by using extremely gorgeous young men who usually end up in their boxer shorts running around instead of the women, especially in "Voodoo Academy," "The Brotherhood" and "The Brotherhood 2: Young Warlocks." Again, these films aren't classics in any sense of the word and contain a high degree of homoeroticism disguised as this new sub-genre of horror for women, but they've sold extremely well. I should know since I've been supporting their sales too. Well, up until this one anyway.

"Final Stab" has all the makings of schlock starting with the title. It also tends to borrow from a huge number of other horror films and makes them look like masterpieces compared to the final product here. It's all about a murder mystery weekend that Kristin (Erinn Carter) puts together to freak out her sister, Angela (Melissa Renee Martin), and especially her sister's boyfriend, Charlie (Jamie Gannon). It's a possible future business venture for Kristin, but also one of cruelty to her sister. Come to think of it, Kristin is pretty much cruel to everybody and that makes me wonder how she managed to get enough friends for the body count that ensues. Oh, silly me, that's the catch. Instead of people being killed off in fake and unimaginative ways, they're just killed off in unimaginative ways.

So, who's going to be afraid of a killer wearing a mask with a smile? Who's doing it? Who has a motive? What other movie did they borrow from to come up with the explanation? It's quite impossible to make any sort of intelligent guess as to who the killer is or killers are because there are scenes between the characters that should never have taken place if they are indeed guilty. All the wrong people are shown to be innocent and hardly psychotic, so what's the point in even bothering to figure it out? Watching "Final Stab" alone is hard enough with the way the camera has a tendency to tilt back and forth not to mention all the lightning flashes and sounds of thunder with absolutely no rain. There's lots of blood splattered in the actors' faces and while you never really get to see anything remotely gory aside from that, I can't say I was disappointed that they'd finally stopped speaking.

The picture quality on the disc is fine and there's nothing really wrong with the audio, just the movie itself. One thing that really did annoy me in the beginning is that it's obvious that "Final Stab" was filmed in widescreen, but it only appears in that format during the credits when the names on the screen stretch beyond the normal scope of pan and scan. Why didn't they just keep it in the ratio it was filmed in? Probably because this is Blockbuster we're dealing with here. If not for scores of phone calls and a recent petition signed by thousands of customers, Blockbuster would continue to buy only in the pan and scan format. The company announced that it would change its tune, so we'll see. It's unlikely that a widescreen version of "Final Stab" would have made the film any better, but I would have appreciated the opportunity to find out. There are no extras on the disc to speak of. There's no trailer, no scene selections, nothing. It's a barren as the film itself, so I suspect it's fitting.

I expect much, much more from DeCoteau. His films are usually so bad that they're actually good. One can only hope that no sequels are planned for the drivel that is "Final Stab." There's nothing to sustain the viewer for 81 minutes and one would find their time better spent with all the films it borrowed from as source material. See? "Final Stab" really could be summed up as "total crap."                                                             

Kage holds degrees in Creative Writing, as well as Film & Video. He has been featured in a Life Journey Tele-Course, published poems in several national anthologies, been a contributor to The Third Coast Magazine and written several novels. kage@modamag.com >>Previous Page