Feature
Review | Fear Dot Com
Written by: Brian
Orndorf
Rated: 1/10
Detective Mike Reilly (Stephen Dorff, “Deuces Wild”) has just
discovered something horrible. When people log onto the website
feardotcom.com, they witness unspeakable acts of torture, then only
have 48 hours to live after viewing. Teaming up with Terry (Natascha
McElhone, “Ronin”), a Department Of Health officer, the two hit
the streets, the internet, and the deepest recesses of their own fears
to find out just who is behind this ghastly site.
Besides being a wildly dated concept, “Fear Dot Com” is an
awfully ridiculous horror film that thinks itself grandly mysterious
and bone-shakingly horrifying. I hate to break it to the filmmakers,
but when a film contains the line “Get away from me! Where are
you?,” and is mostly shot in a murky fog where you can’t see
anything (there‘s a hint of forthcoming quality if I ever saw one),
then scared is the last thing I‘m likely to be. Directed by William
Malone, “Fear Dot Com” continues the filmmaker’s descent into
terror, as Malone was a creative hand in the “Tales From the
Crypt” television series, and director of the decent “House On
Haunted Hill” remake from 1999. What aspect of “Fear Dot Com”
appealed to Malone, I will never understand. An ultra silly melting
pot of cop clichés (would you believe they have the cops eating
donuts?), horror clichés (Stephen Rea plays the mad scientist here,
in a performance that stinks of a need to make car payments), and
endless plot holes and simple-minded dialog, “Fear Dot Com” is a
mess. A mess that requires miles of suspended disbelief. But Malone
doesn’t earn this privilege, as every time I allowed the film to
take a leap of faith with its story or character rationale, I was
repaid with even shakier motivations and more preposterous plot
developments. Shame on me!
“Fear Dot Com” could easily qualify for a flat-out-disaster
award, if it wasn’t so damned headstrong. Though it sometimes
reaches moronic fever pitches where only laughter is the cure, the
film refuses to wink at the audience, firmly believing in its voodoo
website mumbo-jumbo as a viably chilling idea. Malone, stealing from
himself, trots out the very same fast cutting, ghost tricks he used in
“Haunted Hill,” this time with more elaborate special effects, as
if to cover up the film’s total lack of believability. I kept
waiting for the fun to kick in, when the investigation, carefully set
up in the opening act of the film, would hit twists and turns as the
two leads try to find out why this site is bonkers. But those moments
never come, because Malone is more interested in his ghost story, even
if the script isn’t exactly written that way.
Though I’m sure no one is coming into the film hoping for grand
performances, “Fear Dot Com” does stand out for it’s rather
incompetent ones. McElhone, a young, decently-gifted actress who has
made good impressions before (“The Devil‘s Own,” “Surviving
Picasso“), is stuck here in perpetual mouth-agape stances, uttering
the phrase “oh my god!” so many times that I smell a drinking game
on the horizon. It’s truly scary to see Malone misuse her so
terribly.
Yes, it’s really about a killer internet webpage. It is difficult
to take “Fear Dot Com” seriously, especially when the most
horrifying thing on the web isn’t a deadly website, but those
monthly AOL fees.
COMMENTS
Date/Time of Posting: Sep 01 2002 / 16:27:49
IP Address: 12.226.0.215
name = Jibby Jab
Email =
comments = Yup, a stinkeroo. You could make a drinking game out of the
plot holes, improbable action choices, and sheer unlikelihoods (an
autopsy conducted in a dark room?....).
Date/Time of Posting: Sep 07 2002 /
00:48:05
IP Address: 68.5.204.166
name = OblivionX
comments = I have never *EVER* seen a worse movie. WORSE than 13
ghosts. I dont understand how someone could have read this script and
said "Lets make this a movie". It's mind-boggling.
Date/Time of Posting: Oct 19 2002 / 12:39:36
IP Address: 63.227.41.115
name = bijoux
Email = bijoux66@hotmail.com
comments = I've seen porn with more beleivable plot. Undeniably
the worst "movie" i have ever wasted time on.
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